PART 3 Empty: On Route to Healing


Although I wasn't conscious for the actual assault, I can say without a doubt I was very aware during the rape kit procedure. At this point I had been through so many emotions; confusion, denial, disgust, shock, sadness for him, and I missed my family back home. There were a lot of feelings, but it was about 10 hours after the assault at this point and I was drained in every way.

This procedure was one of the most invasive experiences of my life. I was pricked with the needle numerous times until the nurse finally gave up and told me they were too inexperienced and had to get an emerge nurse to do it instead. Next the speculum was left inside me while the doctor left the room.

Finally the doctor thought it would appropriate to bring in a young male nurse to take my blood. I was laying there on the bed with my arm and breast exposed so they could draw my blood without my shirt getting in the way.

“Why should it matter how exposed I am at this point? They don't know me. I’m not even from their country. I don’t matter."

Uncomfortable was long gone at this point. I just felt empty.